I just got myself to blame. Leave everything up to fate, when there's choices I can make

"Albert Camus once wrote, 'Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.' But I wonder if there's no breaking then there's no healing, and if there's no healing then there's no learning. And if there's no learning then there's no struggle. But the struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?"

Det svåraste i livet är nog att välja att göra det man verkligen vill, istället för det man 'borde' göra.

How I wish you could see the potential of you and me

It's like a book elegantly bound
but in a language you can't read just yet

Oh, I just told the biggest lie, I just told the biggest lie, the biggest lie

XI.VII - The words came like hard rain and your smile changed like a hurricane

I never tried, I never dared, I wish I'd said something.
But I've been standing outside your door,
at least that's something.

XII.VII - Sometimes you can't make it on your own

XIIII.VII - And you are constantly surrounded by the swirling stream of what is and what was

Idag kom ett paket med foton av städer, årstider och vänner.

Det finns en person som inte fastnade på någon framkallad bild, men det gör ingenting. Vid mörka stunder, när alla organ inte riktigt fungerar som de ska är det hon som håller ihop mig.

XV.VII - She says: "Life is how it is, not how it was"

Idag befinner jag mig i Hörnefors. Vi far och tar ett kvällsdopp fastän vattnet är alldeles för kallt. Går tillbaka barfota med kalla kroppar och nya myggbett.

XVI.VII - I want to get myself attached to something bolted down, so that these winds of circumstance won't keep blowing me around

Jag tog bussen till Lögdeå. Inbillar mig att det går lättare att andas här, att luften går längre ner till lungorna.

XVII.VII - Did it all get real? I guess it's real enough

Vi firar en födelsedag, äter tårta och ger presenter. Efter ett telefonsamtal får vi dåliga nyheter och pratar om hur orättvist livet är. Att livet inte tar hänsyn till någonting eller någon och hur svårt det är acceptera det.


På kvällen är jag hemma i Umeå igen. Cykar runt tillsammans med en vän. Vi vet inte riktigt vars vi är påväg men hamnar tillslut på Hedlunda.

XVIII.VII - Never trust a heart that is so bent it can't break
Jag vill skriva så mycket mer, säga så mycket mer. Den största rädslan är inte att blottlägga alla tankar, utan att de i slutändan inte hade gjort någon skillnad.

Peter Keating

"He went away, relieved and desolate, cursing himself for the dull, persistent feeling that told him he had missed a chance which would never return; that something was closing in on them both and they had surrendered. He cursed, because he could not say what it was they should have fought. He hurried on to his office where he was being late for an appointment with Mrs. Moorehead.
    Catherine stood in the middle of the room, after he had left, and wondered why she suddenly felt empty and cold; why she hadn't known until this moment that she had hoped he would force her to follow him. Then she shrugged, and smiled reproachfully at herself, and went back to the work on her desk."

Just say what you wanted to say. I cannot stand these talks, dear. They only get us nowhere

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